Thursday, May 3, 2012

On Europe, 30, and the cessation of poisoning oneself

Much to my chagrin, I have become a morning person.  Yet one more piece in the puzzle of me becoming my parents.  O lord, I am such a cliche. 

The past month has seen preparations for an upcoming trek to the Old Country, where once again, I will put up my proverbial sail and let the winds of what-have-you show me where they want me to go for the summer.  The last time I took a lengthy trip to Europe I was 24 and left with no plans and no return ticket.  I love that girl.  Only this time, instead of chasing boys and wine, I am chasing the dragon.  Which is exactly, exactly why I stopped traveling so many years ago...I wanted a career that meant the world to me.  To direct my listless days and make me better.  I had no idea it would be performing, much less aerial work, and I had no idea it would cover my life the way it has, giving meaning to everything second only to Shaun.

The first stop is the illustrious, beloved Irish Aerial Dance Festival in Letterkenny Ireland, conceived and produced by Fidget Feet- a company I have long had a crush on and now have the huge honor of collaborating with.  Pinch me!  Wait no, just come to the really come learn circus from fabulous teachers in the country you always wanted to visit!  I'll be traveling with my cohort Miss Tanya Brno, famed fabric mistress.

In other news, I quit smoking...again.  15 days ago today.  This is by far the most psychological withdrawal I've experienced, finding my brain sluggish and watching mood swings fly by like some ghoulish parade.  The almost daily occurring nightmares that plagued me before this have stopped.  My subconscious isn't the most concise storyteller but she does get her point across.  The first two weeks are always the hardest, and this might be the 7th time in my life I've quit which means, statistically, that this one will stick.  I have decided that it shall, because your 20's are for making fun mistakes, and my 20's are nearly over.

Yes!  I am turning 30 in June- I've been talking this birthday up for years hoping that when the time came, I would be excited.  It has partially worked.  On the other hand, I'm turning 30.  This forces me to take all my preconceived notions about age and tear them apart, looking for the truth of the matter.  My fried-chicken upbringing makes this a little harder than, say, growing up in California where you don't have to grow up ever, really. 

When I get too confused by shoulding on life, I think of myself at age 7.  That is the audience I wish to satiate. 

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