Blargh!!

Every time I visit this page, I feel worse and worse about my inability to post comprehensive reports.  It's all "OMG lookit this thing I am about to do and it's important and I'm so squeeeeee!!!"  And then months of silence as I recuperate from each exhaustive undertaking.  Rather than try to tell you it was all cool and fill you in on every uninteresting detail of the past few months, I'm just going to say screw it and endeavor to tell the truth as I usually do.

The truth is that I rarely get any satisfaction from sitting back on my proverbial laurels.  And yet, any length of productivity is followed by a definitive lull.  As soon as a big project is done, I slip quickly out of any limelight I can and slink into the shadows to marathon Netflix and eschew any sort of social life, even with Shaun.  It can be pretty easily summed up by this image by the great Allie Brosh of Hyperbole and a Half.

I then dive headfirst into whatever project either knocks on my door or wakes me up at night in a cold sweat, taking over my existence in a bloody fury of sweat, joy, thread, and sleeplessness.  This cycle then repeats itself.

The truth about right now is that, coming off the insanity which was Elements, Followed by Carnevolar, followed by Icarus, I have wallowed in the depths of unmoving limbo for over a month.  During this time I continue to hope that I can get my s*%t together, or at the very least, priorities.  And through it all one thing has become abundantly clear- when I used to feel intense pride just for making a living, it's no longer enough.  The product, the art that I make, must be better.  Ugh, that is such a stupid world..."ok well that should be better".  Go screw yourself, better!

It must transcend.  It must move.  It must be the outside force that acts upon an object at rest.

Yesterday I had a photoshoot for my residency at Supperclub SF, where I get to perform Genesis over and over and over for TWO MONTHS.  Photoshoot involved much leaping about, having a plate of salmon balanced on my boobs, and Three (the director) pouring water on me from a ladder.  I WILL post pictures here with permission.

And that's the truth about my right now at 6:30am on a Wednesday, waiting to board a plane.